Don't Lose Those Connections

Today was a day that centered around appreciation for me. As I said in my earlier blog, I want to overcome the fear of being alone and this is what I focused on today. I wanted to make sure that I was on top of things and caught up with what I need to do. (I got those photos uploaded to my past blogs by the way.) My morning was very rushed and just like every morning, I awake to the song Elastic Heart by Sia which is my roommate's alarm. It was nice how class slowed things down a bit. Today we focused on some more Supreme Court cases, that centered around the topic of whether or not Congress had the power to regulate commerce and state affairs. We also discussed if people had the right to their freedom of speech, even if it offends other people. The most fun part of class though was when we played a game of Jeopardy based on the topics we had already learned. I watch Jeopardy every night with my mom so it was exciting for me to actually be a part of the game this time, even if it was just in class.

Later on in the day I joined my friend Pamela in the gym and got a great workout. The gym facilities at Columbia are great and they have a wide range of machines and games to work out with. I chose the elliptical and completed a two mile run and some weight training. I felt so refreshed after my run and I'm going to keep on going to the gym everyday from now on because the dining hall food isn't very healthy.

My Dorm

Afterwards I spent the afternoon getting done what needed to be done and organizing my room. The feeling that everyone else was doing something while I was in my dorm lingered inside of me but I didn't let it get the best of me. I stuck to my plan and was pretty proud of myself after a few hours had gone by and I had completed some tasks. Unfortunately, I was so focused that I actually missed eating dinner in the dining hall :( I'm kind of hungry right now but I drank a huge serving of boba vanilla milk tea so I think I'm good, I might go on a chipotle run tomorrow morning though. I've become a complete chipotle addict by now, especially because it's right across the street.)

Dining Hall

Around 9:00 I got a text from my other friend that I met yesterday, Frances, asking to meet up at "Noche de Sabor" which was the Latin dance party at the gazebo. I had a lot of fun dancing there although it was very awkward. I never realized how afraid most people are of dancing publicly and only a small group of people were dancing alongside me. Some people didn't even know how to do the Cupid Shuffle which I found astonishing as well as hilarious. Teaching my friends some dance moves was fun but something still felt lost inside of me.

When I returned to my dorm I just felt like something was wrong. I didn't want to disturb my other roommates so I sat in the lounge and just contemplated how I was feeling. I realized a lot of things that I think about in the day but I just try to ignore. I really miss my grandfather, Henry Ramsey, and ever since I started having a greater interest in history and in law I wish I could go back and speak to him. There are so many questions I would ask him about being a judge and what it meant for him to face so much adversity and discrimination on his way to success. I honestly feel very left out sometimes, being the only black person in my classes and trying to find a way to speak up. Although I ignore it, sometimes I feel as if people ignore my presence or discredit what I say just because of my appearance. I know that this is just part of being a minority, but it catches up to me and I get lost in it. Among missing my grandfather, I also realized that there have been so many relationships that I had a year ago with people that just didn't work out. I have lost so many people and things that are important to me this year but I am starting to understand that this isn't a bad thing. It has made me more open and willing to challenge myself and seek out new experiences as people. I know that people will come in and out of my life now, and that the only people I will have a stable relationship with for the rest of my life are myself and God. My sister and I are closer than ever as well and she helped shed light on the issue, hence the title of this blog "Don't Lose Those Connections," which is her direct quote. My roommate also comforted me and gave me a big, warm, hug :) So to end this blog, as cheesy as it may sound, if you see someone whose down or if you're feeling down yourself, try to reach out to someone, it makes all the difference in the world. Toodles!

Don't get caught in the crowd